None of the girls were supposed to know this. Because I was freelance, I could be my own man, so to speak, and I would keep myself busy by ensuring I had dates lined up. I never looked like a drunk, I just was one, and anyway in those days advertising was a far more boozy affair than it is today. And after that I got job after job without too much trouble. Even in art school, I got a grant because my dad had just retired and I suddenly became eligible. A contradiction in terms if ever there was one. I was working freelance in advertising all through this period in London. The deeper in they were, the more beautiful they looked when the moment came.Īnd I lived for the moment. All those intimate moments, every little sigh, those gentle touches, the lovemaking, the confidences, the orgasms, the attempted orgasms-all mere fuel. There was just the two of us and the pain. They'd just stare at me in disbelief and shock.Īll the pretense and rules dissolved away. He'd done it, though, because I'd been taking the pith out of hiths listhp. I was lucky to get out of that house alive. One of my "victims" stuck my head on an electric cooker ring. And then when he'd head-butt me, I'd say, "Call that a headbutt?" So the guy would do it again harder. I'd go up to the biggest guy in the place and look up his nostrils and call him a faggot.
My mouth always got me into trouble, of course. But then, as far as I was concerned, wasn't everyone doing the same thing? I started to realize something was wrong when I began to get beaten up. I think I always knew deep down I had a drinking problem.
Either way, after getting into Alcoholics Anonymous, I didn't even kiss a girl for five years. Or maybe I was just afraid that they'd see through me. I couldn't even look at a girl, much less believe I deserved to converse with one. I carried the guilt of my crimes around with me for years after I stopped drinking. I've been punished, so it's okay to talk about it all. The same thing happened to me, only worse. Then the glaze as they tried to hide how much I was hurting them. Till the big saucer eyes were looking at me. I'd wait until they were totally in love with me. I didn't care how long it took either, because I was in no hurry.
#The diary of an oxygen thief series serial#
It's like when you hear serial killers say they feel no regret, no remorse for all the people they killed. Mentally, not physically, I never hit a girl in my life.
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